Agents on order to tackle and restrain candidate if he attempts to speak near a microphone and to tase him when an attractive woman is within sight.
After much speculation about what "credible threat" prompted the Herman Cain campaign's request for Secret Service protection for their candidate comes the surprising answer: Herman Cain.
"He's the biggest liability we've got," says an anonymous high-ranking Cain campaign staffer, "We've kept this guy in contention for way longer than anyone expected, but every time he opens his mouth, we lose support and financing; we've come too far to let him blow it for us now."
"In 2008, it was all about pigs in lipstick," the staffer continues, "This time around, it's pigs with wings, and the longer we can keep this one in the air, the better," adding, "And believe me, in this shitty economy, having 'Can Make Pigs Fly' is a handy thing to have on your resume."
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