"Home Invasions or Space Invaders,
More Guns is the Only Solution"
Arming the International Space Station Astronauts Could Have Prevented Russian Meteor Tragedy, says NRA Prez Wayne LaPierre
WASHINGTON DC (AFA NewsWire) Speaking to reporters Friday as news of the damage and injuries was still trickling in from Chelyabinsk, Russia, NRA president Wayne LaPierre cited the meteor's crash site as evidence that, "No meteor would dare hit the United States of America," LaPierre insisted, "Not so long as we not only manufacture and sell the sort of weaponry needed to fend off such a threat; but that those weapons are available freely and in volume to every citizen, and at attractively affordable prices."
"The only thing that can stop bad meteors is good astronauts with guns," continued LaPierre, urging NASA to arm all personnel on the International Space Station, "Ideally, American astronauts," LaPierre quickly added, "Barring that, only the arming of every citizen on the planet can guarantee our continued safety from the effects of objects falling from space."
Asked if this meant the people of Chelyabinsk, where the 7,000-ton meteor fell to the earth in a dramatic fireball, were somehow 'asking for it', LaPierre stated that his point was that, "Decades of government dictated communism had deprived them of gun ownership, leaving them without the firepower to protect themselves, something that the current talk about maybe looking into doing something symbolic and virtually unenforceable in regards gun regulation in the U.S. would surely lead to."
Mr. LaPierre abruptly ended the press conference when he received word that someone had "built a fire down on Main Street that needed to be shot full of holes."
Elsewhere, gun rights advocate Alex Jones was seen shouting defiantly at the sky, daring it to drop anything his way and promising to blast it back to kingdom come, unless, of course, it was aimed at Piers Morgan.
Let's Just Leave Geraldo 'At Large' — Chris Christie
NJ Guv Nixes Sending 'Stash to the Senate
TRENTON, NEW JERSEY (AFA NewsWire) Despite 48% of New Jersey Republicans adamantly stating that they wouldn't support him if he ran and only 26% of registered voters statewide offering a whiff of interest in seeing him get elected, Geraldo Rivera, Fox News commentator and radio host, continues to hint that he'll seek the senate seat being vacated by Frank Lautenberg, who is retiring after nearly 30 years in office.
"Oh, like we haven't got enough trouble already," sighed a weary Governor Chris Christie upon hearing the news of Rivera's intentions at the state capitol in Trenton.
"We've got real problems that need real solutions," said Christie, "What we don't need is a big mustache attached to a bigger ego, entering the already overcrowded competition for Biggest Jackwad in Congress..." adding, "Call me back when Springsteen says he wants to run for the senate."