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Posted by Lairbo on 07/25/2012 at 10:00 PM in Current Affairs, Games, People, Places and/or Things, Sports | Permalink | Comments (30) | TrackBack (0)
Technorati Tags: London, Olympics, snowboard, US Team
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CLEVELAND (Ant Farmer's Almanac SportsWire) In the wake of LeBron James' leaving the Cleveland Cavaliers for the Miami Heat, the City of Cleveland is now hoping to relocate to another part of the country; preferably one with milder winters.
"We're devastated, of course," says Thom Katt, professor of socio-anthropology at Case Western University, "But, for most of us, this is just the final of many last straws. Given the choice, most of us would move to Miami, too," adding, "And for millions and millions and millions of dollars, well duh! I mean, ask me again in February, I'd pay you to get me out of here! And I've got tenure!" Katt shuddered at the memory of frigid winter winds coming in from Lake Erie, muttering to himself, "So cold. So cold..."
As similar sentiments were expressed throughout the city, from Shaker Heights to Broadview Heights, Richmond Heights to Garfield Heights and University Heights to Middleburg Heights, the city council was called in to emergency session to discuss relocation offers from a large tract of marshland on the Louisiana Gulf Coast and several stretches of Arizona along the border with Mexico.
Although Drew Carey could not be reached for comment, his publicist's intern issued a statement wishing the Price is Right host's hometown all the best, confidently asserting that, "No matter where it winds up, Cleveland will probably still rock!" asking, "That is the place that rocks, right?"
It is not clear whether nearby Chagrin Falls would be included in the move.
Posted by Lairbo on 07/09/2010 at 12:36 AM in Business Unusual, Current Affairs, Media Circus, People, Places and/or Things, Sports | Permalink | Comments (13) | TrackBack (0)
Technorati Tags: Cavaliers, Cleveland, Lebron James, Miami, Miami Heat
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PHOENIX (Ant Farmer's Almanac SportsWire) Many peoples' worst fears over the effects of Arizona's harsh new anti-illegal immigrant law on visiting teams and fans were realized Friday when a player for the Milwaukee Brewers was questioned, detained and deported prior to the evening's game.
Major League Baseball has already expressed its concerns over this law by considering relocating the 2011 All-Star Game from Phoenix to San Diego. In addition, the Phoenix Suns' Cinco de Mayo tradition of wearing jerseys emblazoned with "Los Suns" in honor of the Latino community and diversity of the league sparked unprecedented controversy this year.
It is ironic then, that the visiting team player at the center of this incident was Canadian-born Brewers' catcher George Kottaras.
Chase Field security guard B.G. Ott, who made the arrest, stated that Kottaras' "luminescent paleness" and "over-eager friendliness" were the tip-offs that he "wasn't from around here."
That, and as Ott put it, "His story just didn't add up. A Canadian playing baseball in America? C'mon! Hockey, maybe, but I mean, pffft!"
Ott's suspicions led him to place Kottaras under citizens arrest and forcibly put him on the first bus "back" to Canada.
Team, stadium and municipal authorities were quickly falling over each other to apologize and to point out that the Ott was "overzealous and acted alone, without either the approval or knowledge of anyone from any of their organizations." The Diamondbacks spokesman also emphatically insisted this isn't just a way to psych-out visiting teams with worry about whether their "papers are all in order."
At press time, Kottaras was still aboard a northbound Trailways bus whose first scheduled stop is Salt Lake City. Although he will be "released from custody" there, he will not make it back on time for Friday's game.
There is an unconfirmed rumor that several hispanic Diamondbacks players were also stopped and questioned by stadium security, but managed to get on the field by pretending to be part of the groundskeeping crew.
Posted by Lairbo on 05/06/2010 at 01:32 PM in Current Affairs, Dumbass, Media Circus, People, Places and/or Things, Politics Unusual, Sports | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
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Among Mann's list of snowboarders' offenses to Olympic gravitas: their grungy "street" fashion sense, Greg Bretz's McNuggets-eating contest with his coach, Ricky Bower (Bretz, 60; Bower, 35); Hannah Teter's underwear sales (which turns out to be a legitimate business, despite initial reports making it sound like an auction for the panties she had on at the time); Shaun White and Bud Keane's expletive-laden on-air chatter; and the "scandalous" party photos of a girl kissing Scotty Lago's bronze medal as it dangled from his belt that earned him a hastily arranged one-way ticket out of Vancouver
Despite most of these incidents taking place far from the event sites, athletes have been under tight scrutiny since the infamous Michael Phelps bong hit after his 2008 Olympic triumph.
Other troubling snowboarder behavior includes overuse of the term "Dude," being way too cheerful all the time and suspiciously frequent outbreaks of "the munchies." Mention of Louie Vito's pre-Olympics appearance on Dancing With the Stars got a look of sour disapproval from Mann, when asked if that also counted as inappropriate behavior.
Mann said his next task is to look into allegations of "catty, high-strung, diva-like and bitchy behavior" among ice dancers and figure skaters.
Posted by Lairbo on 02/23/2010 at 11:56 AM in Current Affairs, Dumbass, Games, Media Circus, People, Places and/or Things, Sports, Television | Permalink | Comments (12) | TrackBack (0)
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Posted by Lairbo on 08/18/2008 at 07:01 PM in Current Affairs, Media Circus, People, Places and/or Things, Sports, Television | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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Posted by Lairbo on 09/07/2007 at 10:16 PM in Current Affairs, Sports | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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Posted by Lairbo on 03/08/2006 at 08:04 PM in Illiterature, Media Circus, New Products, People, Places and/or Things, Sports | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
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Posted by Lairbo on 08/15/2004 at 11:08 AM in Current Affairs, Games, Media Circus, Sports, Television | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)
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