WASHINGTON, DC (AFA NewsWire) Brett Kavanaugh surprised many today by withdrawing from his nomination to fill the Supreme Court seat being vacated by Justice Anthony Kennedy. He surprised everyone, however, with the announcement he was leaving the judiciary branch of government altogether to start his own brewpub.
"I love beer," said an ebullient Kavanaugh to a group of reporters, "Always have, always will. This whole hearing process, painful as it was, was also cathartic, a revelation. It brought me back to my true passion, the one constant in my life, the one thing I could always count on and that never let me down... aside from my wife, of course," he added, glancing over his shoulder toward where Ashley Estes Kavanaugh, stood before continuing, "Beer; brewskies, cold ones, suds. I feel alive again, reborn, even! I want to spend the rest of my life in the joyful craft of making beer, whether it be ale, altbier, amber, barley wine, Biere de Garde, bitter, bock, brown ale, Cask ale, Dopplebock, Dortmunder -- Bock or Export, Flanders red ale, Framboise, Helles Bock, Kriek lambic, Lager, Pilsner, Oud Bruin, Quadrupel, Rye beer, Scotch ale, Steam beer, Schwarzbier, Trappist, Vienna lager..."
Kavanaugh paused briefly, overcome with emotion, his eyes teary.
"Except for stout," he continued, regaining his composure somewhat "I hate that stuff."
Although no location or opening date has been determined, Kavanaugh did confirm that he would begin growing "one of those big bushy beards like brewmaster have" in the very near future.