Ant Farmer's Almanac

Trump Declares Candidacy for President of the Confederacy

RICHMOND, VIRGINIA (AFA NewsWire) At a hastily organized rally Tuesday morning, President Donald Trump thrilled the assembled crowd by announcing that he was now a candidate for president of the Confederate States of America.

"You had it so right, you rebels," he said to the cheering crowd, "You tried to preserve, protect and maintain your way of life, all that was right and good about America, all the things our Founding Fathers -- all white, all men, right? I don't have to tell you that, you know -- held so dear and fought so hard for," the president paused while the crowd waved the Stars and Bars and chanted "CSA, CSA, CSA," nearly drowning out the sound of his voice.

"What you needed then, and what I'll give you now, is a big beautiful wall across the Mason-Dixon Line," Trump paused here and shrugged, "Wall, fence, barricade, DMZ, whatever... We'll keep out the liberals and progressives and the communists who want to away your God-given right to make sure everyone knows their place, goes back to it and stays in it, and to run everything the way we want it run."

At this point the president's voice was completely drowned out by cheers, rebel yells and the sound of gunfire and firecrackers.

While short on pertinent facts, such as, is he now running for president of both the United States and the Confederacy? Will states he wins automatically secede from the Union? 

One group of attendees, dressed as rebel soldiers to varying degrees of historical accuracy, called themselves "Fundamentalist Americans", dedicated, they said, to returning to the core values of our country's founding fathers vision of "One white, land-owning man, one vote!" A reporter who asked if "land-owning" included owners of mobile homes who did not own the land on which they were parked, was beaten severely and taken to a nearby hospital.

Pundits already speculate that this is a preview of Trump's face-saving (and, perhaps, ass-saving) plan if he loses the 2020 election; he'll declare himself Confederate President,  claim that the number of votes he got is the current population of the Confederacy, move permanently to its new capital at Mar-A-Lago, issue an executive order that, since the C.S.A. has no extradition treaty with the U.S.A., he cannot face any State or Federal crimes there. Either that or he's building a hell of an insanity defense. 

 

Prince of Whales Found Dead on Oregon Coast

NEWPORT, OREGON (AFA NewsWire) Just days after meeting with President Donald Trump, the Prince of Whales, confidant of Poseiden and Neptune, technical advisor to Jacques Cousteau and bon vivant of the Seven Seas, washed up on the Oregon coastline, just north of the town of Newport.

"A couple walking their dog along Nye Beach had spotted the whale carcass Wednesday morning and called it it," said Deputy Phil Blanc of the Lincoln County Sheriffs Department, "It wasn't until we were packing the body with dynamite that we noticed the crown and the monocle."

At that point, a local historians and marine biologist were brought in and they positively identified the remains as being of royal lineage.

An autopsy is currently underway at a nearby aquarium’s marine mammal facility. 

 

23 and Me Too

Anthony Weiner Joins Field of 2020 Democratic Presidential Candidates

NEW YORK (AFA NewsWire) Within minutes of his release from 21 months in prison for lewd conduct with a minor, Anthony Weiner has announced his candidacy for president and said he would immediately begin preparations for the Democratic primary season.

Convicted of sexting with an underage girl, Weiner, a six-term congressman and one-time New York mayoral candidate, still faces three years' of court supervised release.

Speaking to reporters gathered outside the halfway house from which he had just emerged a mostly free man, Weiner was asked how he thinks jumping into the 2020 Democratic Primary is not a monumentally bonkers idea, he responded, "Donald Trump has set the bar so low in terms of all types of behavior -- ethics, morals, judgment and personal conduct -- that my own misdeeds seem almost quaint, really."

Hearing there were already 23 candidates in the running, Weiner spontaneously remarked that his campaign slogan might be "23 & Me!" rather than his original "You've Done Worse!"

Reached for comment, a spokesman for the Democratic National Committee, hearing about this for the first time, said simply, "Oh, Hell no!"

Drive-Thru Vatican Rag

Irish Times: Galway Parish Reports Record Numbers at New Drive-Thru Ash Wednesday Service

First you fiddle with your keys,
Dangling from your rosaries,
Drive like mad then sit and wait,
And, don't tailgate, don't tailgate, don't tailgate

In whichever gear is needed,
Inch along don't be impeded!
Watch your mouth in this slow processional,
It could land you in confessional!

Two, four, six, eight,
At least there's no collection plate!

Tempting though it is to pass,
On this novel drive-thru mass,
If your seatbelt's not a chafer,
Go on, supersize that wafer,

Sundays, heathens do as they pleases,
Honk if you love dashboard Jesus

Ave Maria, 
She's behind you in a KIA!
Doin' the Drive-Thru,
Doin' the Drive-Thru,
Drive-Thru Vatican Rag!

 

With deepest apologies to Tom Lehrer and thanks to Chris Parkin for spotting this news item.

 

Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Meet the Wolfman

Between Rosencrantz & Guildenstern’s debut as a duo in Shakespeare’s Hamlet and their star turn in Tom Stoppard’s Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead, the pair appeared in a wide variety of genres as supporting players or, as here, with top billing.

Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Meet the Wolfman

Scene 1

A dense forest. Rosencrantz steps into a clearing from stage left. 

ROSENCRANTZ

Where are we?

GUILDENSTERN

From offstage

A forest. Can you see it?

ROSENCRANTZ

No. Too many trees. Follow my voice.

GUILDENSTERN

Follow it where?

ROSENCRANTZ

To where I am.

GUILDENSTERN

Where are you?

ROSENCRANTZ

In the forest.

GUILDENSTERN

Stumbles onto center stage from trees, rear

Ah, you're not in the forest at all! You're in this clearing! No wonder I couldn't find you.

ROSENCRANTZ

Swats Guildenstern with his hat

Stay closer, you idiot, these woods are fraught with danger.

GUILDENSTERN

I thought we were in a forest?

ROSENCRANTZ

Forest, woods; what's the difference? 

GUILDENSTERN

Places fingers at temples and recites

A wood is an area covered in trees, larger than a grove. A forest is also an area covered in trees, but larger than a wood. Originally, 'forest' meant a royal hunting ground, which is why they are usually larger than 'woods'; woods can be just a few trees, whereas a forest is usually much denser, both in trees and vegetation.

ROSENCRANTZ

Swats Guildenstern with his hat again, harder this time. Guildenstern falls over backwards, 

Thou'st art both fool and savant but not in equal measure. 

He looks up from the prone Guildenstern toward offstage right

Forsooth, a gypsy woman approaches!

GUILDENSTERN

Still on the ground

A raven-haired seductress or a soothsaying crone?

ROSENCRANTZ

Crone.

GUILDENSTERN

Too bad. I could really go for a raven-haired seductress about now.

GYPSY

Enters right, wizened crone with knobby walking stick, hooded cape and a couple of overflowing shopping bags

Beware! Beware! The sign of the wolf!

ROSENCRANTZ

All we saw were "No Trespassing" and "Castle for Sale" signs.

GYPSY

Silence!

GUILDENSTERN

Says nothing

GYPSY

That's better. Now, where was I? 

ROSENCRANTZ

Sign of the wolf.

GYPSY

Right, right... 

Reverts to spooky soothsaying voice

You are in grave danger...

ROSENCRANTZ

What? Is Hamlet about?

GYPSY

Tonight will come the full moon, when even a man who is pure of heart and says his prayers by night may become a wolf when the wolfsbane blooms and the autumn moon is bright...

GUILDENSTERN

Wait, I know this one, something about Nantucket...

GYPSY

And that wolf will come hither, or perhaps yon... Heed my words! Withdraw these woods! Flee this forest! Beware! Beware! 

That'll be 3 Kopeks.

ROSENCRANTZ

I've only got a five. Can you make change?

GYPSY

Sure.

She bites the fiver Rosencrantz gives her, then opens her cape to reveal a coin changer on her belt, clicks out two Kopeks and hands them to Rosencrantz

You need a receipt?

ROSENCRANTZ

No, we're good.

Gypsy exits

ROSENCRANTZ

The gypsy's words are a puzzlement.

GUILDENSTERN

T'is true; 3 Kopeks and she didn't say "sooth" even once!

ROSENCRANTZ

Swats Guildenstern with his hat

On what proof does she found her claim of wolves about? We've been in these woods for hours and have seen no evidence.

GUILDENSTERN

You're standing in it.

ROSENCRANTZ

Jumps up and looks at the bottom of his boot

Ack! T'is ill fortune and bad luck. This'll never come off!

GUILDENSTERN

Waving hand in front of his face and moving to other side of Rosencrantz

Ay, t'is also an ill wind.

ROSENCRANTZ

Sitting on log, scraping at boot bottom with a stick

Night approaches. Wolves or no, we must seek shelter.

GUILDENSTERN

And refreshment.

ROSENCRANTZ

Ay. . . that "Castle For Sale" sign, did it say how far and in what direction?

GUILDENSTERN

As before, puts his fingertips on his temples and recites as if reading the memory

"For Sale, Talbot Manor, 6 rms, Hardwood floors. Brick privvy (2-holer!). Solid medieval workmanship inside and out. Designer kitchen. Moat. Peek-a-boo view of full moons and approaching villagers. Fixer. 6,000 Guilders OBO. Open House today only, Noon to Dusk. Refreshments & merrymaking. Head due east, 3 furlongs short of a league; ask for Larry."

ROSENCRANTZ

Ugh, "fixer". Still, we can arrive near to sundown if we make haste. 

GUILDENSTERN

I hope there's some mead left.

They exeunt

Scene II

Interior: Talbot Manor House; stone walls, a large fireplace decorated with a family crest and crossed swords, a hefty round wooden table at center stage and directly above it, a hefty irownwork chandelier with candles that barely illuminate the room, in short, spooky. 

Rosencrantz & Guildenstern enter, left, through the arched entryway, pushing open a heavy wooden door that creaks loudly as it moves. They turn and shush each other loudly as door continues to swing open, then stops with a loud smack as it hits the wall. R&G then pull off their hats and start swatting each other with them.

LARRY TALBOT

Enters from right; he's in early stages of transforming into a werewolf—spiky pompadour, torn clothing, no shoes

Oh, you shouldn't be here. It's too late for you now. 

ROSENCRANTZ

Has somebody already put it an offer?

GUILDENSTERN

Is all of the mead gone?

LARRY TALBOT

Oh, cruel fate! Deliver me from my destiny! Why, oh, why do you do this to me!

ROSENCRANTZ

So, there's no offer?

GUILDENSTERN

Or mead?

LARRY TALBOT

The hour approaches—the hour of the wolf!

ROSENCRANTZ

The gypsy woman mentioned that.

LARRY TALBOT

Raven-haired seductress or soothsaying crone?

ROSENCRANTZ

Crone, I fear.

LARRY TALBOT

Walking stick, coin changer?

GUILDENSTERN

The same.

LARRY TALBOT

You must leave at once before the sun . . .

The light coming in from the still-open front door fades as the sun sets, leaving the arched doorway a dark hole, and the only light in the room now from the chandelier. 

Oh, the vexation . . .

ROSENCRANTZ

Peering at buffet table

I'm not seeing any of that but, oooh, canapes!

As the light fades, Talbot transforms fully into the Wolfman. While this is happening Rosencrantz is too busy sampling from the buffet table to notice; Guildenstern, however. sees the changes and keeps tapping on Rosencrantz’s shoulder but is too terrified to speak

GUILDENSTERN

Nyagh, nyagh, nyagh…

ROSENCRANTZ

Ay, these comestibles are most savory…

GUILDENSTERN

Hiyagh…

ROSENCRANTZ

There’s enough here for both of us, get your own…

Rosencrantz turns around to see the Wolfman nowfully werewolf and realizes the danger. Rosencrantz & Guildenstern hop onto the table which rotates like a lazy Susan, so they're running in place as the Wolfman grabs at them but can't get onto the table 

ROSENCRANTZ

Bad dog!

GUILDENSTERN

Down boy! 

ROSENCRANTZ

Sit! Heel! 

GUILDENSTERN

Roll over!

As Wolfman starts to get onto the tabletop with them Rosencrantz & Guildenstern jump onto the chandelier, sitting on its outer ring while dodging him and swinging their legs to keep him at bay. Amid this commotion, flickers of torchlight and sounds of a crowd come from outside

ANGRY MOB

Voices shouting 

"The beast's in there!" 

"Get him!" 

"Don't let him escape this time!" 

ROSENCRANTZ

Zounds and gadzooks! It’s a mob of angry peasants!

GUILDENTSTERN

Looks at drumstick he’s still holding.

They must be out for revenge!

ROSENCRANTZ

Not “pheasants”. . . oh, nevermind. 

Has an idea

Give me that drumstick!

GUILDENSTERN 

But I'm still hungry!

ROSENCRANTZ

Swats Guildenstern with his hat and grabs the drumstick, then dangles it in from of the Wolfman, who reacts excitedly

Go get it boy, go get it! Fetch!

Rosencrantz flings the drumstick out open front door; Wolfman, now acting like a dog, leaps off the table and out the door after it, then, seeing the mob just outside . . .

WOLFMAN

Ruh roh.

ROSENCRANTZ

That was close!

Wolfman runs back in

GUILDENSTERN

And it's getting closer!

ROSENCRANTZ

Ngah-ngah-ngah!

GUILDENSTERN

Heep-heep-heep-heep!

Wolfman jumps up on table and climbs onto the chandelier with the terrified R&G; Wolfman makes a conspiratorial "shhhhh" gesture, then bares his teeth threateningly; R&G cringe and bite their lips, clinging to each other and the heavy chains holding up their perch. 

The angry mob, carrying the requisite torches and pitchforks, enters all at once, jamming the doorway before falling over each other into the room, Keystone Cops-style; they head for the table and start picking through the buffet table leftovers; they don't notice R&G and Wolfman above them. 

ANGRY MOB

Muttering

"Blast, no mead"

"Only dark meat left!" 

"Oooh, canapes!" 

As they scrounge, their pitchforks and torches come perilously closer and closer to R&G's butts; after several near misses, one torch finally ignites Guildenstern's kiester. It takes him a minute to notice, first sniffing the air then seeing the smoke then feeling the burn

GUILDENSTERN

WHA-oooooooooooooooiiiyyyyaaah!

He jumps up, standing precariously on the rim of the chandelier while Rosencrantz swats at Guildenstern's rear-end with his hat which, of course, catches fire, too.

ANGRY MOB

Looks up and sees R&G and the Wolfman

“There he is!”

“Get him!”

“He’s got friends! Get them, too!”

WOLFMAN

Rrrrrhhhhhhhnnnnnn.

Wolfman stands on rim of chandelier and growls and gestures menacingly; between his actions and Rosencrantz and Guildenstern putting out the fire on Guildenstern’s pantaloons, the chandelier begins swinging side to side

Rosencrantz begins to fall but catches the rim with his knees and is now hanging upside down in the pose of a trapeze catcher; Guildenstern slips, but Rosencrantz catches him, grabbing him by his ankles; they are now swinging widely back and forth and circling as the mob follows the swings of the chandelier and jabs at them with pitchforks, Guildenstern swings his arms around wildly and is knocking them over with his head as they sway, yelping each time he makes contact.

GUILDENSTERN

Oh! Ow! Ooh! Ooh! Ow! Oh!

The Wolfman hangs off the end of the chandelier opposite R&G and reaches down to flip the table over on top of the mob, pinning them underneath it near the front door.

The Wolfman leaps from the swinging chandelier and lands on the upturned table, using it as a ramp to jump out the door

ROSENCRANTZ

On the count of three, let go. Head for the woods, I'll meet you in the forest!

GUILDENSTERN

Right, I'll go to the forest and meet you in the woods!

ROSENCRANTZ

No, eh, nevermind. On the count of three. . .  one, two…

At the count of two, Guildenstern is thrown from the chandelier and through an archway to the right; sound of pots, pans and kitchen implements being banged around as well as a cat screeching.

When the chandelier swings back the other way, Rosencrantz lets go and is flung out the front door.

Guildenstern re-enters from right, spattered with food and wearing a saucepan on his head. He crosses left and heads out the front door, pausing only to grab a drumstick from the outstretched hand of one of the mob still under the table.

Framed by the doorway we see the Wolfman out front running fast; behind him are Rosencrantz and Guildenstern zigzagging back and forth until they bump into each other, then get up and run off in the same direction towards the woods, yowling the whole way.

ROSENCRANTZ

Nyahhh-ah-ah!

GUILDENSTERN

Heep-heep-heep-heep!

Cue music.

—fin—

 

Nuclear Football Replaced with Nuclear Rubik's Cube

WASHINGTON DC (AFA NewsWire) In an apparent effort to reassure a public increasingly anxious about the president's mental state, three anonymous sources within the Trump White House have separately reported that the device containing the U.S. nuclear launch codes--popularly known as the "Nuclear Football"--has been replaced with a "Nuclear Rubik's Cube".

"This ensures that if the president flies into one of his frequent tantrums," says the first leaker, "And his rage-tweeting isn't enough, should he decide to send some ICBMs to take out, I dunno, CNN or something, he'd have to get all of the six sides solidly one color each first and, given how long that's likely to take, we'll have enough time to get someone in the room to talk him down or zap him with a taser."

"It looks just like a regular, off-the-shelf unsolved Rubik's Cube," said the second of the sources, "And in fact, it is. The one the president has access to is a decoy. The real one, also a Rubik's Cube, is at least 100 yards away from Mr. Trump at all times. In fact, when he's acting especially unhinged, we take it to Camp David," adding, "Come to think of it, it's been there since last July."

The third informant stated confidently, "The Nuclear Rubik's Cube is rigged up so that it cannot be solved. Just like everybody else's."

 

Dictionarium

Borista, noun -- coffee server at Russian Starbucks 

 

 

More Things We Think Russian Hackers are Responsible For

The Kardashians
Skinny jeans for men
Pumpkin Spice Latte
Brexit
That UNTUCKit Guy
Nesting Dolls
Auto-Tune
Instability in the Middle East and the Balkans
The Masked Singer
Co-worker's endless chattering about room temperature

 

image: www.freeimages.co.uk

 

 

Kelly Promises Smooth Transition

Outgoing Chief of Staff John Kelly has reassured nervous White House staffers that he'll stick around long enough to show his replacement, Mick Mulvaney, where the taser is and how to use it the next time President Trump needs another "Time Out".

 

 

Lawyers, Dems & Mueller

With Apologies to Warren Zevon

I voted for a mogul the way I always do
How was I to know he was with the Russians, too?
I gambled with the ballot, I took a giant risk

Send lawyers, Dems and Mueller
To get me out of this, heyah!

No innocent bystanders, we’ve restarted civil war
Now from the field of battle, it’s hard to know what for

And I'm down on my luck
Yes, I'm down on my luck
Well, I'm down on my luck

I’m nearly out of healthcare, I’m a desparate man
The cost of my prescriptions will put me on the lamb 

The shit has hit the fan

Send lawyers, Dems and Mueller
Send lawyers, Dems and Mueller, hiyah!
Send lawyers, Dems and Mueller, ow!

 

Kavanaugh Withdraws from Supreme Court Nomination to Open Brewpub

WASHINGTON, DC (AFA NewsWire) Brett Kavanaugh surprised many today by withdrawing from his nomination to fill the Supreme Court seat being vacated by Justice Anthony Kennedy. He surprised everyone, however, with the announcement he was leaving the judiciary branch of government altogether to start his own brewpub.

"I love beer," said an ebullient Kavanaugh to a group of reporters, "Always have, always will. This whole hearing process, painful as it was, was also cathartic, a revelation. It brought me back to my true passion, the one constant in my life, the one thing I could always count on and that never let me down... aside from my wife, of course," he added, glancing over his shoulder toward where Ashley Estes Kavanaugh, stood before continuing, "Beer; brewskies, cold ones, suds. I feel alive again, reborn, even! I want to spend the rest of my life in the joyful craft of making beer, whether it be ale, altbier, amber, barley wine, Biere de Garde, bitter, bock, brown ale, Cask ale, Dopplebock, Dortmunder -- Bock or Export, Flanders red ale, Framboise, Helles Bock, Kriek lambic, Lager, Pilsner, Oud Bruin, Quadrupel, Rye beer, Scotch ale, Steam beer, Schwarzbier, Trappist, Vienna lager..."

Kavanaugh paused briefly, overcome with emotion, his eyes teary.

"Except for stout," he continued, regaining his composure somewhat "I hate that stuff."

Although no location or opening date has been determined, Kavanaugh did confirm that he would begin growing "one of those big bushy beards like brewmaster have" in the very near future.

Photo: www.freeimages.co.uk

Dictionarium

Pollyamorous [pol-ee-am-er-uhs] adjective : being romantically involved with more than one parrot at the same time.

 

 

Trump Proposes "Digging a Hole All the Way to China and Making China Pay for It”

(AFA) WASHINGTON, DC — Hard on the heels of the president's announcement of establishing a Space Force to wage battles beyond earth's atmosphere, Mr. Trump today proposed digging a hole through the center of the earth that goes all the way to China. 

"Think of it," said the president, speaking on the phone to the hosts of Fox & Friends,  “A direct route to China, an extremely important trading partner, just by digging a big, beautiful hole straight down and going the other side!” 

Mr. Trump emphasized the benefits to American trade, “We can just throw the parts needed into the hole, the Chinese retrieve them, assemble them into, whatever, then drop the finished products back into the hole and we’re done! No ships, no planes, no need for tariffs or trade wars. And they’ll pay for it. Glady. Eagerly. They stand to benefit so much, they won’t be able to pay us fast enough. Also,” he added, “No more Chinese take-out deliverd by some schmuck on a crappy bicycle. . . maybe it’ll show up still hot enough to eat for once.” 

In response to Steve Doocy’s questions about logistics, “Uh, how’s that supposed to work again?” the president explained that, “Gravity. Not everybody knows how gravity works but it’s really very simple. You drop something, it goes down, right? Drop something into this hole and gravity will pull it toward the center, when the object passes the center of the earth, the reverse effects of gravity pulling in the other direction will slow it down so it can be easily caught in, I dunno, nets, or something, we’ll figure that out."

Co-host Brian Kilmeade began to ask about the heat of the earth’s core being an issue but Mr. Trump had a ready answer, “The hole itself will act as a cooling vent, Brian, so problem solved! The British dug the Chunnel and managed to move all that water out of the way, we can manage some molten lava,” pausing momentarily, as if he'd had a thought, the president added, "We can call it the 'Chinal'. Yeah, I like that. Somebody write that down."

Mr. Doocy chimed in with a helpful suggestion for the massive amounts of dirt that would be dug up, “It could become landfill and expand the size of Florida. Who knows how many additional congressional districts could be created!”

“Listen,” continued the president, “I’ve been in the construction business for a long time and I know about digging myself into holes.” 

Photo: www.freeimages.co.uk

 

 

Flight Plan

Kelly Willing to Resign for Just About Any Reason At This Point

“Plausability is no longer an issue,” say those close to Trump’s besieged Chief of Staff

Speaking to a reporter in his White House office, John Kelly made no effort to conceal a whiteboard listing “reasons” for his resignation. These include:

“Pursue Other Interests.”

“Spend More Time With Any Family Not Named Trump”

“Crossed 'Keep Maniac from Blowing Up World’ off Bucket List, so, let somebody else do it for a while”

“Burning Man, baby!”

“Those rain gutters aren’t going to clean themselves”

 “Binge watch Gilmore Girls”

“Write tell-all memoir and wait for Mueller's subpoena”

 “Just ‘Go out for cigarettes’ and never come back”

“Bye, Felicia”

 

 

Hail Mary, Full of Laces...

Maybe we should put the so-called Nuclear Football, the codes for launching a nuclear strike, inside an actual football.

A regulation NFL Wilson. 

Trump would never question it.

This way, if he ever gets in a mood to drop the Big One on somebody, he'll have to unlace that football first. And (this is important), tell him the protocol is that only he ("You alone must do it, sir!") is permitted to open it and nobody is allowed to help him or the deal is off. And no puncturing.

Then, while the president is busy prying and tugging at the laces, someone can go get Kelly or Mattis to come in and taser him.

I'd sleep better at night knowing a plan like this was in place. Hell, I'd sleep better just knowing that Kelly and Mattis were packing tasers.

Nambia Invites Trump To Be Its "President-for-Life"

NAMBIA (AFA NewsWire) Emphasizing that they have no extradition treaty with the United States, the African nation of Nambia has invited Donald Trump to be that country's "President for Life".

"Just please bring all the gold from your many buildings," requests Quentin Faraji, Nambia's minister of finance, speaking on behalf of the country's ruling party in an interview with the Nambian Chronicle. 

"Since the calamitous covfefe crop failures, our only growth industry is importing American millionaires' offshore bank accounts," Faraji said, "We have attractively low interest rates, tax loopholes you could drive a truck full of shell companies through, and are very eager to fill our countryside with very classy golf courses, and shiny hotels, casinos and pipelines."

Mr. Farji also noted that Nambia is not a signatory to any international agreement on any issue, meaning, "Pretty much anything goes."

"We Nambians owe Mr. Trump a deep debt of gratitude. His mentioning us at the United Nations literally put us on the map," said Mr. Faraji, "And we wish to return this favor. What we propose could prove mutually beneficial in the very near future, to Mr. Trump, especially, if Keith Olbermann is to be believed."

"We fervently hope and believe that Mr. Trump's leadership style and international business connections can transform our struggling island/landlocked/coastal country into something like a developing nation, just as he has done with the United States."

 

Trump's DACA Plan Offers Dreamers 3/5 Citizenship

Nation Anticipating Inevitable News That Eclipse Is Somehow About Trump

Putin Downgrade's Trump's Status from "Useful Idiot" to Just "Idiot"

MOSCOW, RUSSIA (AFA NewsWire) Sources close to the Kremlin report that having carefully evaluated Donald Trump's performance after six months as U.S. president, Russian President Vladimir Putin has effectively demoted Mr. Trump, downgrading his status as a Russian tool from "Useful Idiot" to just plain "Idiot".