CUPERTINO, California (Ant Farmer's Almanac Newswire) Apple Computer today announced that it is beta-testing a new line of clothing.
"Introducing the Apple iZod Collection," Apple spokesperson J.J. Jackson enthusiastically told assembled reporters from Wired magazine and Women's Wear Daily, "Active casual wear designed for today's young person on the go! Tailor made to accommodate iPods and other hand-held devices and inspired by the sportswear with the famous crocodile logo."
The line's signature item is the iZod shirt which comes in two styles. The "Shuffle Shirt" features a crocodile-shaped velcro patch in the same spot as the classic shirt's iconic logo. Specially made iPod Shuffles' velcro backing will make attachment and removal easy. An after-market velcro patch will be available for older Shuffles.
Offered in the same colors and sizes, the "Nano Shirt" offers a breast pocket, sized to snugly fit the larger iPod Nano. The pocket is emblazoned with a color-contrasting, non-velcro crocodile logo.
Both shirts feature the patented Triple Threat Collar® that serves three distinct purposes: its flexible, washer-safe "receptor wire," is sewn into its outer edge, rendering the wearer his or her own mobile hotspot; loops on the collar's underside allow an iPod's earphone wire to be kept secure and out of the way; and, of course, it's also a collar.
As flashbulbs popped away, supermodels, wearing little more than the shirts and expressions of icy indifference, strutted down the runway while putting on and taking off Shuffles and Nanos in exaggerated gestures. Alternating with each gamine were the male "models," pasty young men of various heights and body types, wearing iZods while awkwardly adjusting their glasses and fumbling with their inhalers.
The iZod's inaugural colors are white, black and, from the iMac's original palette, Bondi Blue (for men and women), and exclusively for the gals, vintage iMac colors Indigo, Ruby and Sage.
Asked if the clothing was compatible with non-Apple devices and whether the logo was a crocodile or an alligator, Jackson sighed dismissively and rolled her eyes. She also refused to confirm or deny a rumor that Apple is working with Victoria's Secret to produce an "underwireless" iPex bra.