For Sale: Gene Shalit Miracle Mustache Pen

Pen bearing image of "Today Show" movie reviewer's signature mustache offered in online auction to highest bidder.

You are viewing an extraordinary item! I found this pen — an ordinary Uni-Ball Deluxe Mini® with black ink — under my desk while vacuuming. 

Only when I bent down to pick it up did I notice the amazing resemblance to Gene Shalit's* mustache, AS SEEN ON TV!

   

The pen is EXACTLY AS I FOUND IT. It has not been manipulated nor has this photograph been altered or retouched in any way. THIS IS NOT A FAKE!

Some say that this MIRACLE PEN is nothing more than the predictable result of my having a dog that sheds a lot, my casual approach to housekeeping and tendency to drop things behind the desk. And, yes, while I admit that Roscoe does leave a visible trail of dog hair, does spend a lot of time under the desk and that I hadn't cleaned under there since, I dunno, last Thanksgiving, I still know a miracle when my vacuum picks one up. 

You could put 50 dogs and 50 pens under 50 desks and I bet this wouldn't happen more than eight or nine times.

While I would have preferred that this amazing item go to an appropriate and appreciative owner, such as NBC, The Museum of Television and Radio or even Mr. Shalit himself, their inexplicable lack of interest leaves the bidding open to anyone.

SERIOUS BIDDERS ONLY. HIGHEST BIDDER WINS. WINNING BIDDER IS RESPONSIBLE FOR SHIPPING. THIS IS A NO-RESERVE AUCTION. PAYPAL NOT ACCEPTED AT THIS TIME.

For an additional $12, I will provide a handsome framed box, suitable for mounting, in which to display the one-of-a-kind piece.

*People over 70 may think it more resembles Bob Hope's bug-eyed USO tour-sidekick Jerry Cologna. That's their lookout. Whomever you prefer to think it looks like has no effect on its miraculousness, the bidding process or the auction price.