Proposed "Wind Wall" Along U.S.-Mexico Border Deemed "A Heckuva Idea!"
SANTA TERESA, New Mexico (Ant Farmers Almanac Newswire) In this dusty desert town at the halfway point along the U.S.-Mexico border, plans were unveiled today for the "Wind Wall", a 2,000-mile-long, 550-yard-wide row of high-tech windmills, stretching from Brownsville, Texas to San Diego, California.
Wind Wall project manager Kay Lastima told assembled reporters that, "The Wind Wall will cut illegal immigrants — immigration, sorry — in half, harvest wind for electricity and offer a first line of defense against avian flu-carrying birds from South America," stating cheerfully, "It solves three crises for the price of one!" adding, after an aide whispered in her ear, "The price of one and a half. Maybe two!"
Hundreds of thousands of propellors, each 72 feet in diameter, will sit atop aluminum towers whose heights can be adjusted from a maximum of 166 feet to a low of 75 feet that allows the props to rotate within a pedestrian-discouraging three feet from the ground. Heights can be strategically staggered and periodically adjusted to take advantage of changing wind conditions and/or unauthorized border crossings in progress.
While most towers' height will remain at the lowest setting, a fixed number will be set high enough to "intercept" northbound birds. The distances between towers will maximize propellor ground coverage and make attempts at a broken field run through them inadvisable.
A former Enron executive, handpicked for this project by Vice President Dick Cheney, one of Ms. Lastima's primary duties is awarding exclusive no-bid contracts to newly formed subsidiaries and shell companies of Halliburton without arousing suspicion. Energy collected by the Wind Wall will be sold on the open market.
"This joint venture between the U.S. government and private sector entrepreneurs," emphasized Ms. Lastima, "Combines the efficiency and vitality of a federal agency with the oversight and accountability of an unregulated privately owned corporation," adding that the Wind Wall will not be built with taxpayer money, "At least not from anyone we know."
Completion is scheduled for 2011.