As Real as it Gets

Tween-Themed Reality Show Debuts on Nickelodeon

NEW YORK (Ant Farmer's Almanac Newswire) Nickelodeon, the television network known for such family fare as SpongeBob SquarePants, Rugrats and Hey Arnold!, has launched its first reality show.

The series, entitled Who Wants to be the Next Lord of the Flies, has a simple, straightforward premise: A dozen preteen boys from vastly differing social, economic and ethnic backgrounds are dropped off on a "deserted" island, believing themselves to be the only survivors of an unspecified worldwide catastrophe. Hidden cameras strategically placed to cover every square foot of the island will record the boys' presumed — and presumably rapid — descent from more-or-less civilized children into savagely tribal and, ultimately, feral behavior.

"The only rule on this show is that there are no rules," says Nickelodeon spokesman Chuck Noland, "You won't see any contrived "contests" like on other reality shows," he continued, "This is the real deal. We're just putting it out there and letting nature take its course. No script, no direction, no catering, no nothing," adding, "We'll edit the footage for time, of course, but outside of that, whatever happens happens."

"We've [Nickelodeon] gotta do what we've gotta do to stay competitive," stated Noland flatly, "It's tough world out there as these boys will learn fast enough. They'll have to. After all, these children are our future," he said, adding after a moment's reflection, "At least those who make it to the season finale."

Winner gets the conch.