
ONCE UPON A TIME there was a little pig who lived in an enchanted Woodland. Also in this Woodland lived an evil witch who only looked beautiful until you really got to know her.
The evil witch cast a spell that made the little pig rude and thoughtless and caused her to turn off her cellphone and ignore calls she was expecting.
Nearby there lived a handsome and talented bear, whose success and popularity really ticked-off the evil witch, who was all but washed up in the Woodland.
The bear bravely went out to rescue the little pig from the witch’s spell and straighten her out.
But when the bear tried to tell the little pig that she was under a spell, his fearsome-sounding roar startled many of the other Woodland creatures.
The evil witch took advantage of this and sent out nasty, highly paid trolls to tell everyone about how the bear had roared so ferociously and how very frightened the little pig had been.
Soon the whole Woodland had heard about the angry, roaring bear.
“Roaring is bad,” said everyone in the Woodland, “Especially roaring at little pigs.”
Of course, the trolls didn’t say anything about the spell or the witch, and nobody asked why the bear had roared at the little pig.
The bear was very upset and very confused, “Of course I roar,” he said to himself, since no one in the Woodland would talk to him anymore, “I’m a frikkin’ bear!”
Everyone in the Woodland demanded that he apologize for having roared, which the bear thought was strange since he hadn’t roared at them. But he did it anyway, since he had to live there and everything.
He also tried to apologize to the little pig but the evil witch wouldn’t let him, and threatened to send out even nastier, more highly paid trolls if he came anywhere near.
Knowing that he couldn’t beat an evil witch’s spell and so many lying trolls, the bear lumbered away sadly.
Although the bear stayed way over on the other side of the Woodland, whenever he passed by, there would be whispered conversations about him:
“There goes that bear who roared at that little pig.”
“A troll told me that he ate her, too.”
“No, he just roared.”
“Are you sure?”
“Who are you gonna believe, me or some highly paid, lying troll.”
“He seemed pretty sure. He said the bear’s gay, too.”
“You are a complete moron.”
Eventually, the evil witch’s powers diminished and the spell lifted. When the little pig realized how much hurt she’d caused the bear she felt just terrible about it.
So she spent several wild years on drinking binges, unwise marriages, and made a bunch of adult videos that wound up on the internet and crappy reality show pilots that didn’t get picked up.
The witch and her trolls went around saying the little pig’s misbehavior was because the bear had roared at her when she was littler. By now, though, everyone in the Woodland had figured out that trolls lie about pretty much everything and that the evil witch really was awfully evil.
The little pig finally went into rehab, sobered up and took responsibility for her actions. But by then, nobody really cared.
Moral: Answer your cellphone or you’ll wind up making crappy reality show pilots that don’t get picked up.