SAN FRANCISCO (Ant Farmer's Almanac Newswire) At Friday's home game against the Los Angeles Dodgers, San Francisco Giants' super-slugger Barry Bonds achieved the seemingly impossible — and in record time — hitting his 1000th home run only weeks after his 756th homer broke Hank Aaron's long-standing record.
By taking every at-bat for the Giants in every inning of every game since reaching 756 on August 7, Bonds managed to rack up another 244 home runs in a month's time, averaging three homers per game and shattering nearly every baseball record for just about everything.
Although rumors persist about Bonds' (alleged) steroid use, this latest feat has even his harshest critics awestruck and more than a little frightened. "I make sure I'm out of town during home games," says one Bay Area sportswriter who's chronicled Bonds' career.
Asked if they mind being demoted to pinch base-runner duty for their controversial teammate -- now nicknamed "Mecha Barry Bonds" -- other Giant players, who talked to reporters only on condition of anonymity, replied, "You wanna tell him no?"
Bonds did not speak to the press after the historic 1000th homer and, indeed, has not "spoken" at all since August 16. He now expresses himself only in a "rumbly, screeching cry," that is sometimes accompanied by flames shooting out of his mouth.
Immediately after the game, Mecha Barry Bonds lumbered out of AT&T Park, crushing several cars on his way to nearby San Francisco Bay, into which he waded and swam off, presumably en route to Japan, where he is scheduled to bat clean-up with the Chunichi Dragons, and to do battle with Mothra, Rodan and a monster to be named later.
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