It's a War on Pizza, I tell you! Grilled chicken is all well and good, but on a pizza! And pineapple! What the hell is pineapple doing on pizza? Much less on a pizza that already has grilled chicken on it? It's as un-American as it is unappetizing. If you needed any more proof that the Left Coast has nothing but contempt for all that is good and right with American food, here it is.
You'll be hearing more from me about this.
Open 7 days, 11 am – 11 pm. Reservations for parties of 8 or more. All credit cards.
Outback Steakhouse, Newport Center Mall, Jersey City, New Jersey $$ One Star
Now, I've never been "down under", but I've seen Crocodile Dundee a few times, something no one at this so-called Australian restaurant has bothered to do. I didn't hear the word "Crikey" once, and there's not a single item on the menu featuring kangaroo meat. Aside from "Shrimp from the Barbie" and an entree called "Kookaburra Wings®" (which taste just like chicken, by the way), this place is nothing more than the Olive Garden with an Aussie accent.
They get one star for serving Foster's in frosty mugs but that's it.
Open Tues. – Sun., 11 am – midnight; closed Mondays. Reservations for 6 and more. All credit cards.
Ishtar's Oasis, 346 Atlantic Avenue, Brooklyn $ Three Stars
This place truly was a revelation. I went over to Brooklyn's "Arab Quarter" reluctantly and expecting the worst. As it turns out, the body armor and food taster I brought along were completely unnecessary, but, given the traffic, the Humvee proved a good idea.
At no point during the meal did anyone — customer or staff — drop to the floor for a prayer east and there wasn't a single cry of 'Death to America' or call for jihad against the west; although I did overhear some very nasty remarks about the Mets' pitching.
The Fattet Hummos was a delightfully aromatic hummus infused with toasted almonds, pine nuts, garlic and dried mint leaves. The lamb stew was strong and savory yet subtle; reminiscent of an American chili minus hot-peppery pyrotechnics. Who knew these people had a taste for anything besides senseless violence? If everybody over there eats like this, why are they all so pissed off?
I don't know which Middle Eastern country this cuisine is from but when we invade it — if we haven't already — I call dibs on frontline reporting.
Open 7 days, 10 am – 11 pm. No reservations. Cash only.
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