Ant Farmer's Almanac

Mommie Dimmest

NEW YORK (AFA Newswire) Dropped by its original publisher after news broke of 16-year-old Jamie Lynne Spears' pregnancy, Lynn Spears' book, Pop Culture Mom: A Real Story of Fame & Family, has quickly been snatched up by another outfit.

Self-described "Christian publisher" Thomas Nelson, Inc. cancelled the Mother's Day 2008 release of Ms. Spears' memoir saying that it "Was no longer a good fit with this company's mission or values," adding, "And a really stupid idea at this point."

Within hours, however, another publisher had reportedly offered a five-figure deal for the rights to print the parenting advice of Britney and Jamie Lynne's mother by late summer.

Ms. Spears' "White Knight" is Penquin Press, who will re-title the manuscript, The Idiot's Guide to Raising Dummies. The proposed revamp also changes the book from an inspirational narrative to a "How-To," complete with bullet points that highlight everything Ms. Spears did and didn't do in the process of transforming her semi-talented offspring into clueless skanks.

Upon hearing the announcement, the publisher of the rival "For Dummies" series blasted any comparison of the Spears family to "Dummies" as "An insult to dummies," and is threatening legal action.

Just Like Old Times

WASHINGTON (AFA Newswire) Asked at today's press briefing if the White House had any comment on the recent revelation of an FBI plan for the mass arrest and detention of 12,000 Americans for suspicion of "disloyalty," White House spokesperson Dana Perino turned beet red and gasped, "How'd you know about . . ." She then began stammering, "I can't comment about, eh, I don't recall any . . .   nobody ever said 12,000 . . . where'd you get that number?!"

Informed that the question referred to late FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover's 1950 plan for rounding up suspected communists and sympathizers, Perino was visibly relieved and, as she fanned herself back to room temperature, stated, "Oh, whooo! Yeah. Hoover," adding, "Boy-howdy, was he ever a wack job, heh, heh, heh," emphasizing the point by twirling her forefinger at her temple, making a funny face and going crosseyed for a moment before taking another reporter's question.