INTERIOR. ALASKAN GOVERNOR'S MANSION - KITCHEN - MORNING
(The governor and her husband are at the breakfast table eating scrambled eggs and moose sausage. Their teenage daughter enters)
GOVERNOR'S TEENAGE DAUGHTER
I have no idea how to spit this out...
GOVERNOR
Did you get expelled from school?
GOVERNOR'S TEENAGE DAUGHTER
No.
GOVERNOR'S HUSBAND
You didn't sign a Green Peace petition opposing ANWR drilling, did you?
GOVERNOR'S TEENAGE DAUGHTER
No.
GOVERNOR
Do we need to call a lawyer?
GOVERNOR'S TEENAGE DAUGHTER
No, but you might want to hire a high-profile family spokesman.
GOVERNOR
You didn't make a YouTube video praising Barack Obama!
GOVERNOR'S TEENAGE DAUGHTER
No. God, no... I'm, I'm pregnant.
(The governor and her husband are momentarily speechless)
GOVERNOR
(shouting)
Who's the father!
GOVERNOR'S HUSBAND
Put down the shotgun, honey, you're not vice president yet.
GOVERNOR'S TEENAGE DAUGHTER
Don't worry, we're getting married.
GOVERNOR AND HUSBAND, IN UNISON
Damn right, you are!
GOVERNOR
(Sinks back in chair, deflated)
Oh, my God, what are we, the Spears? The Lohans? The Judds?
GOVERNOR'S TEENAGE DAUGHTER
I'm not ready to be a mother.
GOVERNOR
I'm not ready to be a grandmother!
GOVERNOR'S HUSBAND
You're not ready to be vice president, either but here we are.
GOVERNOR
What about that abstinence-only program I put in your high school?
GOVERNOR'S TEENAGE DAUGHTER
Maybe I'm dyslexic.
GOVERNOR'S HUSBAND
We are gonna need some serious spinning.
GOVERNOR
Well, Cheney's daughter is a lesbian. This might be seen as a step up. I'd better get Karl Rove on the phone.
GOVERNOR'S TEENAGE DAUGHTER
I think I'm gonna be sick.
Stay tuned for the sequel, My Big, Fat, Blair House Wedding, coming spring 2009.
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