As a public service, the Ant Farmer's Almanac offers these easy-to-keep New Year's resolutions to pad out your own list and help take the sting out of probably having broken most of yours before the end of the Rose Bowl.
I ___________ resolve that in 2010, I will not:
Have Egg Nog Again Until December (unless they start selling that really good kind in late November).
Squander My Lottery Winnings.
Think I Can Dance.
String Along Multiple Mistresses.
Conspire to Commit Voter Fraud.
Mix Plaids and Stripes.
Show Up Uninvited at a White House Dinner.
Punch out a cast-member of The Jersey Shore.*
Worship Thor, the Norse God of Thunder, During Regular Business Hours.
Plead the Fifth.
Use the Filibuster to Block a Congressional Vote.
Just Do It.
*Anyone living in New Jersey or likely to ever be within punching-out distance of a cast-member of The Jersey Shore is exempt from this one since, really, who could blame you?
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