With LeBron James Heading to Miami, Clevelanders Find No Reason to Remain
CLEVELAND (Ant Farmer's Almanac SportsWire) In the wake of LeBron James' leaving the Cleveland Cavaliers for the Miami Heat, the City of Cleveland is now hoping to relocate to another part of the country; preferably one with milder winters.
"We're devastated, of course," says Thom Katt, professor of socio-anthropology at Case Western University, "But, for most of us, this is just the final of many last straws. Given the choice, most of us would move to Miami, too," adding, "And for millions and millions and millions of dollars, well duh! I mean, ask me again in February, I'd pay you to get me out of here! And I've got tenure!" Katt shuddered at the memory of frigid winter winds coming in from Lake Erie, muttering to himself, "So cold. So cold..."
As similar sentiments were expressed throughout the city, from Shaker Heights to Broadview Heights, Richmond Heights to Garfield Heights and University Heights to Middleburg Heights, the city council was called in to emergency session to discuss relocation offers from a large tract of marshland on the Louisiana Gulf Coast and several stretches of Arizona along the border with Mexico.
Although Drew Carey could not be reached for comment, his publicist's intern issued a statement wishing the Price is Right host's hometown all the best, confidently asserting that, "No matter where it winds up, Cleveland will probably still rock!" asking, "That is the place that rocks, right?"
It is not clear whether nearby Chagrin Falls would be included in the move.
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