"You Want Bat-Shit Insane? We'll Give You Bat-Shit Insane!" is Voter Message
WASHINGTON DC (AFA NewsWire) In a surprise twist in Tuesday's mid-term elections, actor and raving lunatic Randy Quaid (National Lampoon's Vacation, Independence Day, Kingpin) was simultaneously elected to seats in the U.S. Senate and the House of Representatives from Alaska, Delaware and Nevada.
After a bizarre campaign season involving candidates most voters found nothing short of embarrassing, a spontaneous last-minute write-in vote in all three states has swept the once-accomplished actor and felonious wack-job into office.
"I mean, why not?" asked, Lee Odivinsky of Dover, Delaware, "If being bat-shit insane is the qualification for office and congress is gonna be full of loonies, we want our guy to be the bull-goose looniest of them all," adding, in what seems the prevailing sentiment, "Given our options, it wasn't a hard choice; besides, he was really good in that movie with the spaceships."
While highly irregular, it isn't clear that Mr. Quaid can be prevented from holding and serving all three positions at once. "The results are still being tallied up," said Robert Campin of the Federal Election Commission, "But even with the counting unfinished, he's won by such a huge landslide it'd be hard to overturn."
Asked about the logistical difficulties of having one person represent three separate states in both houses of congress, Campin replied, "We're not sure if one of his diagnoses is multiple personality disorder, but it would certainly help."
Reached for comment from inside the "fort" he and his wife had built out of the bedsheets in their Vancouver, British Columbia hotel room, Quaid issued a press release stating, "Gabba gowacka, ek, ek, arooooooh, ek, gowaka!"
Quaid's agent, Syd Hollenbeck, cautioned against moving forward too quickly, "Whoa, hey, before my client goes anywhere we gotta talk salary, per diem, accommodations, points on the back end, residuals, merchandising, time served. . . have those states' people call me, then we'll talk."
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