More Ways to Kill Off America's Favorite Teenager
Drafted into the army in the late '50s, Archie winds up in the same unit as Elvis. The two become pals and, in exchange for the promise of an early discharge from the military, volunteer for a special mission on a tropical island. The tropical island is Cuba and the mission turns out to be the Bay of Pigs invasion. In the chaos of battle, Archie takes a bullet for Elvis; his dying words to Presley are, "America needs you a lot more than it needs any more of me."
* * *
In 1968, eager to catch up with the changing times, Archie and the gang break their contract with DC Comics, sign on with Zap Comix and relocate to groovy San Francisco. But they quickly tire of being typecast as naive stooges bested by hippies. Frustrated at being a punchline The Archies go psychedelic -- musically and personally -- with disastrous results (only Jughead seems comfortable in his new surroundings). The band splits up and Archie goes solo in search of this enlightenment stuff he's heard so much about. On his way to India for an audience with the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, he falls from a cliff while hiking in New Zealand.
* * *
When the Archies win a "Boppiest New Music Combo" contest on Dick Clark's American Bandstand, guest judge Buddy Holly invites them along as the opening act of his upcoming winter tour through the midwest, insisting there's room on the plane for everybody.
How about Archie is killed by the hash tag marks in his hair turn inward piercing his brain......Betty and Veronica witness this and exclaim "EEeww!"
Posted by: Scott | 04/22/2014 at 09:20 PM