Promises His Administration's Scandals Will Be "Fantastic. Incredible, the Best Ever!"
NEW YORK (AFA NewsWire) Asked if his general election campaign against Hillary Clinton would focus on scandal-mongering and mud-slinging, Donald J. Trump, offered a surprising insight into his presidential aspirations.
"Please," scoffed the presumptive Republican candidate, "The skeletons in Hillary's closet are losers, nobodies. When I'm president, my administration will have the most incredible scandals Washington has ever seen... and more of them."
"These so-called 'scandals' about Hillary," said Trump, mockingly and making the air quotes gesture at the word 'scandals,' "They're just sad, pathetic... Email? Don't make me laugh. A couple of her real estate deals go south? Losing money on real estate? I do that just for the tax deduction! Her husband cheated on her? Pffft! Just you wait! Maybe she killed a guy, maybe not. Maybe or not I know what Jimmy Hoffa's last words were and which of my casino-resorts he's buried under."
Despite aides' frantic attempts to get him away from the microphone, Mr. Trump continued speaking.
"Every great president had scandals; Reagan, Nixon, Kennedy... I mean, JFK, c'mon, the mafia, the women, Marilyn Monroe! Admittedly, It'll be hard to top him on Marilyn but there will be women, believe me! Hot women, beautiful women. The best! And mafia? We'll have hot and cold running mobsters in every cabinet department; godfathers, gangsters, goodfellas..."
It was at this point the lights flickered, the sound system went silent and Trump was seen being hustled out of the room by his security detail, "For security reasons," said one of the unit left behind to make sure he wasn't followed.
Republican National Committee chairman Reince Prebus put a positive spin on his party's presumptive nominee's statements, noting through a forced grin, "This is one campaign promise I think we can count on him living up to."