When Dos Equis beer "retired" the Most Interesting Man in the World with a one-way ticket to Mars, we wondered what he might accomplish on the Red Planet.
Here is our report:
Taught Mars Rover to "Fetch".
Established planet's first newspaper, the "Martian Chronicle".
UFOs headed for Earth now stop to ask him for directions and restaurant recommendations.
Singlehandedly negotiated peace with Venus.
Found the water NASA's been in search of for years and immediately made beer with it.
Convinced Martians to hold off attacking Earth until at least after the elections.
His presence has earned Mars four stars from Zagat's Guide.
Meteors, asteroids and deep space probes passing Mars won't leave the planet's orbit until he has waved at them.
Distant alien civilizations cite him as evidence of intelligent life elsewhere in the universe.
Inspired Matt Damon to "Science the shit out of becoming half that interesting."
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