BETHLEHEM, PA (AFA NewsWire) Intended to kick off a new tradition, the First Annual War on Christmas Reenactment instead unraveled into fistfights and finally what local authorities are calling a riot.
The trouble began when costumed wise men confronted a group of wassailers dressed in Victorian-era outfits wishing passersby a "Happy Christmas" and "Tidings of Great Joy," rather than a "Merry Christmas."
The carolers responded that they were speaking in the proper seasonal manner as set forth by Charles Dickens.
The wise men, later identified as "Nativityists" -- who deem manger scenes the only acceptable Christmas display -- accused the singers of spreading radical secular humanist propaganda and knocked off their top-hats. The ensuing scuffle escalated and soon staff-swinging shepherds were going mano-a-mano with elves wielding oversize candy canes as Santas traded punches with crèche cosplayers. One participant, dressed as Ralphie from the movie "A Christmas Story," nearly lost an eye to a fruitcake flung by a Bill O'Reilly impersonator.
Gleefully observing the action from their court-mandated distance of 300 feet, Westboro Baptist Church members held up signs reading, "God Hates Figgy Pudding" and "Your Chestnuts Will Roast in Hell".
The melee lasted nearly half-an-hour before police arrived.
"I don't know how to tell my kids I arrested Santa today," sighed Clement Morse, of the Bethlehem Sheriff's Office, "Much less seven of them... and having tased the Virgin Mary will not go over well at Mass tomorrow."
Fifty seven people were arrested for disorderly conduct and disturbing the peace and held overnight. A rented camel, some sheep, and three French hens are still unaccounted for and being sought by Lehigh Valley animal control.
"We may have won the War on Christmas," said event co-chair Peter Burnham, "But a gingerbread house divided cannot stand. Clearly, we need more time to heal."