Ant Farmer's Almanac

Dictionarium

Alternative Facts (noun); Statements made without a grain of truthiness.

And, We're Off...

Over the next 100 days, as we slog through the first leg of Donald Trump's term in office, I'll be keeping a sharp eye out for Trump or anyone in his administration doing any of the things I imagined in my book Talk to the Hair: A Look Back at the First 100 Days of the Trump Presidency, written a year ago, back in that rosy time when the idea of his actually getting elected was a wacky, farfetched notion. Hy-larious, believe you me...

Whenever one of my "predictions" pops up in reality, I'll note it and mark which of the first 100 Days I'd pegged it to.

Heck, even in the weeks between his election and his inauguration, three of my "forecasts" came (or came close to coming) true: The Donald proposed replacing Air Force One with Trump Air (Day 9 in my book); Supplemented his Secret Service detail with "private security" (Day 29 in my imagined timeline); and some people in Hawaii, however facetiously, have suggested that their state secede from the U.S. and appoint Barack Obama President for Life (Day 67, although I had them offering him the title of "Big Kahuna for Life").

What'll happen next? Wouldn't you like to know. Buy my book and you can play along at home, at work or from your favorite panic room or fallout shelter! Fun for the whole family, I tells ya.

Available on Amazon.com (or Barnes & Noble online, if you swing that way).

Was I right? Was I wrong? Watch this space.

 

By Any Other Nameplate

DETROIT (AFA NewsWire) In response to President-elect Donald Trump's criticism of Chevrolet making cars in Mexico for the American market, General Motors Corporation today released the following statement:

Starting in January 2017, Chevy Cruze hatchbacks produced at our factory in Ramos, Mexico and sold in the United States will be rebranded as the Chevy "Cruz". 

The sedan model, manufactured in Lordstown, Ohio, will retain the Chevy "Cruze" badge. Both will continue to be made with shared components and built to the same specifications and standards. Trim options and pricing will be not be effected.

It is General Motors' belief that by labeling these vehicles' geographic origin, consumers can now purchase a fine Chevy product not only for its quality and styling but also as a unique opportunity to proudly display their political positions on NAFTA, trade protectionism versus globalization, and immigration issues in general.

Chevy Cruze? Or Chevy Cruz? It's up to you, America. Either way, we get your money.

 

Dictionarium

Idiolatry (noun)

the worship by idiots of an even bigger idiot.

Trump Appoints the Late Fred Phelps, Westboro Baptist Church Founder, U.S. Ambassador to the Vatican

NEW YORK (AFA NewsWire) Via Twitter, President-elect Donald J. Trump announced his intention to appoint the late Fred Phelps, founder of the Westboro Baptist Church, as U.S. Ambassador to the Vatican.

Reactions to the tweet were mixed, ranging from mild surprise, given Trump's penchant for choosing people openly hostile to their intended positions and Westboro Baptist's animosity toward Catholicism, to shock and outrage because Mr. Phelps has been dead since 2014.

Asked if Mr. Trump knew that Phelps was deceased and, if so, understood the sort of message his posting would send to the Vatican, Trump adviser Kellyanne Conway responded, "Is the Pope Catholic?" adding, "No, really, I need to know..."