(AFA) WASHINGTON, DC — Hard on the heels of the president's announcement of establishing a Space Force to wage battles beyond earth's atmosphere, Mr. Trump today proposed digging a hole through the center of the earth that goes all the way to China.
"Think of it," said the president, speaking on the phone to the hosts of Fox & Friends, “A direct route to China, an extremely important trading partner, just by digging a big, beautiful hole straight down and going the other side!”
Mr. Trump emphasized the benefits to American trade, “We can just throw the parts needed into the hole, the Chinese retrieve them, assemble them into, whatever, then drop the finished products back into the hole and we’re done! No ships, no planes, no need for tariffs or trade wars. And they’ll pay for it. Glady. Eagerly. They stand to benefit so much, they won’t be able to pay us fast enough. Also,” he added, “No more Chinese take-out deliverd by some schmuck on a crappy bicycle. . . maybe it’ll show up still hot enough to eat for once.”
In response to Steve Doocy’s questions about logistics, “Uh, how’s that supposed to work again?” the president explained that, “Gravity. Not everybody knows how gravity works but it’s really very simple. You drop something, it goes down, right? Drop something into this hole and gravity will pull it toward the center, when the object passes the center of the earth, the reverse effects of gravity pulling in the other direction will slow it down so it can be easily caught in, I dunno, nets, or something, we’ll figure that out."
Co-host Brian Kilmeade began to ask about the heat of the earth’s core being an issue but Mr. Trump had a ready answer, “The hole itself will act as a cooling vent, Brian, so problem solved! The British dug the Chunnel and managed to move all that water out of the way, we can manage some molten lava,” pausing momentarily, as if he'd had a thought, the president added, "We can call it the 'Chinal'. Yeah, I like that. Somebody write that down."
Mr. Doocy chimed in with a helpful suggestion for the massive amounts of dirt that would be dug up, “It could become landfill and expand the size of Florida. Who knows how many additional congressional districts could be created!”
“Listen,” continued the president, “I’ve been in the construction business for a long time and I know about digging myself into holes.”