WASHINGTON DC (AFA NewsWire) In an apparent effort to reassure a public increasingly anxious about the president's mental state, three anonymous sources within the Trump White House have separately reported that the device containing the U.S. nuclear launch codes--popularly known as the "Nuclear Football"--has been replaced with a "Nuclear Rubik's Cube".
"This ensures that if the president flies into one of his frequent tantrums," says the first leaker, "And his rage-tweeting isn't enough, should he decide to send some ICBMs to take out, I dunno, CNN or something, he'd have to get all of the six sides solidly one color each first and, given how long that's likely to take, we'll have enough time to get someone in the room to talk him down or zap him with a taser."
"It looks just like a regular, off-the-shelf unsolved Rubik's Cube," said the second of the sources, "And in fact, it is. The one the president has access to is a decoy. The real one, also a Rubik's Cube, is at least 100 yards away from Mr. Trump at all times. In fact, when he's acting especially unhinged, we take it to Camp David," adding, "Come to think of it, it's been there since last July."
The third informant stated confidently, "The Nuclear Rubik's Cube is rigged up so that it cannot be solved. Just like everybody else's."
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