"We can convert this crisis into a cure," states new coronavirus czar
WASHINGTON, DC (AFA NewsWire) In his first official act as coronavirus czar, vice president Mike Pence today handed out lapel pins emblazoned with the phrases, "Denying is Defying!" and "Fake it till you shake it!"
Pence has waved off recommendations from the WHO, the CDC and other public health organizations and is drawing instead on his experience with public health crises while governor of Indiana. This included leaning heavily on gay conversion therapy and "praying away the gay" as methods of preventing HIV. His coronavirus campaign emphasizes the individual's role and responsibility in dealing with the pandemic.
A flyer distributed to the assembled press lays out the foundation of Pence's call to action.
If you have, or think you have, coronavirus, repress all symptoms and behave as if you don’t have it. Do things a healthy person would do, even if you don’t feel well enough to do them. Do them anyway. Act as if you're healthier than the healthiest person who ever lived, as if you were someone who, blessedly, will never know the agony of a soul tortured by the power of the coronavirus.
Just the simple act of denying the coronavirus’ effect on you will blunt and reverse the virus. Never give in to the overpowering and persistent temptation to acknowledge and accept the fact that you may really have it. Keep reminding yourself how much better it is to not have the coronavirus and how much happier and well-adjusted you'd be if you don’t. Wouldn't you rather be someone who doesn't have the coronavirus? Of course you would.
Tips on Avoiding the coronavirus:
- Wash your hands frequently.
- Don’t be alone in a room with the coronavirus.
- Drink plenty of fluids.
- Avoid musical theater, discos, the E! Channel and, if you have it, Bravo. Also, just to be on the safe side, most of the Food Channel; the holiday themed baking shows, especially.
- Invest more in the stock market. Help boost America's economic immune system!
- If you get a common cold or even the flu, don't panic; just keep telling yourself, "It isn't the coronavirus, it's just a phase I'm going through and I'll get over it."
- Seek the help of a cleric of your choice but, remember to wear a face mask over your nose and mouth so he knows what he's up against and not get too close to you.