Ant Farmer's Almanac

White House Press Tipped-Off to Pre-Thanksgiving Pardon of 268-Pounder.

Reporters told this Tuesday's Rose Garden ceremony will be "One for the history books".

 

White House Staff Told to Not Look Behind Poster of Rita Hayworth Hanging on Oval Office Wall

Visitors also advised to “Pay No Attention” to the president’s dirty fingernails, dented and scratched spoons and chisels on Resolute Desk.

 

Thanksgiving Turkey Surprise

Trump Pardons Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdoğan in Rose Garden Ceremony

“That’s Right. It’s Also a Mountain in Alaska”

Kayleigh McEnany's response to a White House reporter noting that “Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt, you know."

 

 

EBay Flooded With Pollster’s Discarded Ouija Boards, Crystal Balls, Tea Leaves

“Screw all that,” says Nate Silver, “From now on I’m sticking to the I Ching.”

 

Biden Transition Team Vetting Native American Shamans for Sage Burning Cleanse of White House

Exorcists and Ghostbusters on Standby.

Secret Service Denies Agents on POTUS Detail Playing “Rock Paper Scissors” to Decide Who Gets to Tase Him When the Time Comes

White House Chef Replaced with Grubhub App

Sales of Aviator Shades Skyrocket

"We haven't seen numbers like this since "Top Gun" came out,” says RayBan spokesman.

Trump Claims Victory, Declares Himself 46th President