Ant Farmer's Almanac

Obama Offers Zelenskyy His Old Tan Suit Should He Ever Need to Return to the Trump White House

A spokesman for the former U.S. president could neither confirm or deny that a similar offer had been made to Elon Musk.

 

Musk Demands Everyone on Social Security Provide List of 5 Things They Did Last Week or Face Losing Benefits

Most common responses:

'Threw phone across room after third phone scam of the day'

'Babysat grandkids while their parents worked at second and third jobs'

'Stood in kitchen for a long time trying to remember why I'd gone in there'

'Rehearsed with old-guy garage band and exchanged opinions on whether Viagra or Cialis works better'

'Told some damn kids to get off my lawn'

 

"Molly of Denali" Retitled "Molly of McKinley"

In related news: CBS pauses production of its three FBI series until further notice. Rumors are swirling of a Trumpish retooling entitled, "FBI: The Revengening", or that it would continue as "FBI: The Multiverse", more sci-fi-ish and with differing timelines and parallel universe storylines, including an outlandish one that continues as if the rule of law was still the law of the land.

 

Plan for Gaza-Lago Seaside Casino Resort & Kibbutz Unveiled

"Along with hosting guests and dues paying members, this unique resort will offer a time-share option at its Kibbutz Cabanas wing," explains Gaza-Lago spokesman Gordon Knott, "Kibutzers will receive a deep discount on their lodgings in exchange for spending 50% of their stay doing work around the resort, such as cooking, housecleaning, valet parking, perimeter security... The resort's amenities overall will be modeled after President Trump's luxurious Florida residence Mar-a-Lago," he enthused, adding, "Except for the omelet bar, at least until the price of eggs comes down."