A recent study reports the most common side effect of prescription drugs advertised on television is users' compulsion to show up at outdoor venues or events at which a smooth jazz trio is playing.
"It was eerie," says Nancy L, who is on a round of medications successfully treating her IBS, "I was out running some errands and suddenly I found myself at a garden party with a young woman singer backed up by an older guy on guitar and another playing standup bass. I don't remember how I got there. It was like I'd been hypnotized or something," adding, "I guess it's a small price to pay but, I really don't like jazz."
The study, conducted by the The Underhill Institute, reviewed hundreds of cases, finding consistently similar incidents, regardless of the drug being taken or whatever condition the drug was intended to address.
"Any and all gastrointestinal issues, psoriasis, insomnia, COPD, rheumatoid arthritis," says the Institute's spokesman Dr. Sterling Cooper, "Doesn't matter. You name it, you take something for it, bam, you're outside listening to a smooth jazz ensemble. Typically one of them is wearing a straw porkpie hat."
The notable exception, according to the study's findings, is that men using heavily advertised prescription meds for erectile dysfunction are more likely to form or join a rock-and-roll garage band composed of others guys in their late fifties.