Ant Farmer's Almanac

AI Creators Promise Beta Version of George Santos Will be "Much More Convincing"

"Yeah," say software creators at PinocchiCorp, "In hindsight, we shouldn't have released this Alpha version publicly. Clearly, there are still quite a few bugs in the system, although we did get the number of fingers right and his nose doesn't grow when he lies."

 

Trump Won't Partake in Right to Remain Silent

Calls appointment of Special Prosecutor, "the worst politicization of justice in our country since I fired Jeff Sessions."

 

"Heads I Win, Tails You Lose" Now Official Campaign Strategy for All GOP Candidates

"We're in it to win it," states a recently leaked text sent to all Republican candidates running for office at every level, "Losing is not an option—even if you do—so if you want any of our sweet, sweet deep-pocket RNC campaign funding, you'll start declaring victory now. Today. Before the voting starts. Only losers admit to losing. Seriously, if you can't deny reality and lie to your constituents with a straight face before you're elected, how are you gonna manage when you're in office?"