Ant Farmer's Almanac

NY Times Demands Harris State Her Policy Positions on Windmill Cancer, Shark v Electrocution, Haitian Cuisine, Canada's Giant Faucet, Hannibal Lecter and Whether "The Bear" Really Belongs in the Emmy Awards' Comedy Category

One Times editorial page pundit skeptical about Harris sniffed haughtily, "Say what you will about Trump but, he's made it very clear where he stands on the important issues and Harris owes it to us to do the same," adding, "We'd also like to know if she's changed her opinions on the 'Laurel v Yanni', 'Gold Dress v Green Dress' and the 'Taste Great v Less Filling' controversies of the past."

 

Elon Musk Pitching Remake of "Back to the Future" with Tesla Cybertruck in DeLorean Role

In what is seen as a Hail Mary bid to keep his pet-project Cybertruck from joining the Ford Edsel, the Yugo hatchback and the DeLorean DMC-12 as a laughingstock, punchline and notorious automotive failure, Elon Musk is hurriedly throwing together a deal to remake "Back to the Future," this time recasting Doc Brown's time traveling DeLorean as a Tesla Cybertruck.

"While the DeLorean was just as poorly conceived, designed and manufactured as the Edsel or the Yugo," said a spokesman for Musk, "It's remembered fondly and still considered cool because it was in a popular movie and they weren't." 

 

New GOP PSA Reminds Party Members to Spay or Neuter Their Pets or Hand Them Over to the Nearest Illegal Haitian Immigrant, Along With Some Fava Beans and a Nice Chianti.

Fine print suggests that in South Dakota to just leave the animal in a gravel pit near Kristie Noem's house.

 

Oasis Fans Upset to Be Reminded They're Still Fans of Oasis

The upcoming reunion tour of the 90s Britpop band Oasis has stirred up controversy over ticket prices and availability, renewed intraband discord and an unpleasant reminder to its fans that the band still exists.

"I thought I'd put all that behind me," says one middle-aged fan, "I was young, and it was all a bit of fun but, you know, I've got stuff to do now, kids, work, gardening and now, all of a sudden, I'm gonna have to see if I still fit into my old band t-shirts and then follow them around all summer," adding with a sigh, "It's kind of embarrassing but it's not like they're Nickelback or something."