Ant Farmer's Almanac

Hike-Ew

Too few M&Ms
And too much trail in this mix
Gonna be short hike

Owl looks familiar
And that tree. And those. Have we
Passed this way before?

Thighs ache, breathing hard
Hope next clearing big enough
For rescue chopper

Taco truck with beer
Parked at top of peak might make
This almost worth it

Easier going down
You say? Not reassuring.
Also not even true

Winter hiking ode:
Cocoa at lodge afterwards
Not reward enough

Summit views awesome
Untouched nature to horizon, beyond.
And we’re NOT lost, right?

One more joke re:
Tree, forest, fall, sound and I’m
A dead man, I’m told

 

Yelp Reviews of Rick’s Café Americain After Rick Left

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Went in looking for Letters of Transit but just got pestered by some creep trying to sell me cheap jewelry.

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Nothing here for a Yank hankering for a taste of home. Why is it even “Rick’s Café Americain” when everybody there is a foreigner, from the Russian bartender to the French croupier to the Hungarian(?) waiter? 

¶¶¶
Good piano player although his repertoire tends toward the melancholy, occasionally interrupted by spontaneous crowd singalongs of “La Marseillaise”.    

¶
Blue Parrot across the street serves better tapas and stronger drinks.

¶¶¶¶
Went to Casablanca for the waters; was disappointed until I found this delightful spot. First-rate goulash and authentic vodka.

¶
Attractive young women do better at the roulette wheel than any man of any age except for the local police. Not sure this place is entirely on the up-and-up.

¶¶
Everybody here wants to be someplace else.

 

 

Voices You Don't Ever Want to Hear Coming Out of Your GPS:

 

Gilbert Gottfried

 Fran Drescher

  Elmo

   Chewbacca

    Jar-Jar Binks

     Marcel Marceau

      Your mom

On This Day in History...

1940: The Pasadena Freeway — California's first — opens. Pictured above is the picturesque Figueroa Tunnels section, which is often featured in films and on television. Seen most recently in the romantic comedy Rumor Has It (2005), starring Jennifer Aniston and Kevin Costner, the tunnels are represented by the William Morris Agency. Ask for Sid.

And the Rooms Cost an Arm and a Leg...

Recovered leprosy patients are angry after a Japanese hotel cancelled their group's reservation out of concern that other guests wouldn't want to share the resort's popular communal hot springs with them.